How to yell

Today we're going to learn how to properly yell [you're allowed one split infinitive ed.]

Like my picture shows, to yell properly start by laying flat on the floor in a comfortable little nest.

Then, start wrinkling your face and looking unhappy. It will help channel your energy into the yell. Then move onto some minor, warm up yells. But conserve, conserve conserve. Don't peak now.

Anyone can yell, but the key to a good yell is the dramatic leap from mere noise to a beautiful yell. When executed correctly you will scare the neighbourhood dogs, the squirrels will fall out of the trees and the raccoons will flee the county. Trust me, I know how to do it.

So after that last minor yell, take a breath down, down, down and let it roar. Loud roar. Really loud roar, build it up and up. And hold, 2,3,4...hold...27,28,29,30... Project it, less vibrato (if you're my age), more feeling...54,55,56,57...and trail off to tapering yells in the same key. Personally I avoid the squeals on the side, but if you like to throw some in then go right ahead.

Pace yourself because this is just the matinee, and there are all 4 acts to get through in tonight's show.